hosta, barbie doll, socialite, Wesley Kime
updated January 22, 2015
EPIC POEMS SUNG
TO AN INVASION OF WOE (deer);
EULOGY TO HOSTA
If it comes to air or gasoline,
Hostas or the deer,
Activists will save the atmosphere
And forget that hosta’s also green.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
You can’t have your hostas and a Bambi zoo.
If there’s one thing sure to send me into dudgeon,
It’s beholding Bambi nibble hostas into nubbin.
While the endangered piliateds flay
The redwood timbers of my home,
While my hostas disappear into
The maws of state-protected deer,
I am granted recourse to naught
But sigh and tear,
And so I sigh and eject another poem.
While Rome went up in flames
While hosta disappeared into deer
I pouted, rhymed, and dwiddled.
I think I shall never see
Any hosta under any tree,
Now that deer range free
To rampage suburbanry.
Our pioneering forebears cringed
As wolves consumed their flocks, fleas and all;
We suburbanites become unhinged
As deer devour our hosta, leaves and all.
OUR OHIO DEER DAIRY
Previously given over to crops of corn,
A deer dairy
I never intended
Our Ohio prairie to become.
But beneath the Ohio haze,
All too contented,
Deer herds now there graze.
Once just dappled woods
For Indians and forest frogs,
Then fields of corn for pigs and hogs,
Now but suburban Bambi farms.
I Sigh for Ohio’s long-lost charms.
The bad-rapped racoon cavorts
But never molests a single hosta
But thanks to pious Bambi’s kin and cohorts
Not a single hosta's left when once were lotsa.
RHYMES OF THE TIMES
If ObamaCare’s redoubtable rollout
Is any clue
To how the rest may well play out,
It’s redux Waterloo.
If love is free,
BC ought to be.
Hippies brought in the first,
A Sandra Fluke, the perks.
FROM ISHMAEL TO ISIS/ISIL
Whether it's ISIS or ISIL,
It's a crisis damn dismal
The Egyptian god of domestic niceness, Isis.
NOT WORTH A TWEET
Hillary didn’t actually say,
“What difference does it make?”
But rather, “What does it matter?”
Schmake, schmifference, or schsplatter --
Either way, she doesn’t much, anyway.
READY FOR HILLARY
“You can make a difference!”
The innocent chant of idealistic adolescence.
Or was, until the famous Hillary outbreak:
“What difference does it make!”
WITH APOLOGIES TO ROBERT BURNS
Ababa Ahmad Abu abounds
In automatic weapons and rounds,
And spends his days
In various murderous insurgent ways.
Abu been at’em.
In her regulation burka, beard, and turban,
Clutching Koran and hooka,
Grenade and regulation bazooka,
Ahmad Amanda's suitably garbed for warfare urban.
KITSCH IN TIME
There once was an unbeatable pol named Kasich
Who Trumped all nine with caboodles of Kasitsch.
Though endorsed by Bill O’Reilly
And by folks of such diversity
As gentle Ben, Palin, Putin, Christi,
Donald Trumpsey I regard not highly.
O let the Trump be Trump showbiz and all,
And never never play by his baneful rule.
Promising young Marco tried to, eyeball to eyeball
And wham! Became naught but sweat and drool.
CLUELESS RIGHT ON CUE
I cannot forget that at Obama's inauguration
The buzz was that he was clueless
Devoid of clues of any hue, simply clueless.
But nobody says that now, damnation!
The man had promised change galore
And delivered his promise and too much more.
I think I shall never see
A long-haired implanted tranny
Who endured expensive surgery
Just to be a sweet old granny